I Now BELIEVE...For God So Loved the WORLD...

I'm a little overwhelmed and quite frankly, I have no idea even where to begin.  I have really struggled with how to write about my experiences in Africa. 

How do I even begin to describe the incredible experiences we had in a way that my friends, my family, my audience will be able to picture or relate to?  How do I begin to describe my ever-changing thoughts and overwhelming emotions?  How will people understand this new change in me?  How can they see, hear, and feel Africa without having gone on this trip?

 

I finally came to the conclusion...you're not. You're not going to fully grasp every emotion, every thought, every experience I had...and that's ok.  I heard someone from church on Sunday say that describing all that we had experienced in Africa is a lot like eating an elephant in one bite...
You just can't.

 

I can't tell you all that has happened to me in just one blog post. I can't tell you all that I saw, all that I heard, all that I smelled, and all that I felt...in just one blog post.  I can't.  So, I'm not going to. 

I kept a journal while we were there.  I originally had thought that I would just blog and share every day with you, but I think that would be a disservice to my experience.  Hearing every detail of the day, play-by-play, may lose the impact that some moments had over others, and believe me, some moments deserve to not be overlooked and undervalued. 

So, I have finally decided that I am going to take the stories as they come...as they come back to my memory...as they flood back my emotions...as they bring me back to reality...and as I begin to deal with them and finally process them.

Yesterday (Sunday) I was asked to speak at church, to share with the congregation something that impacted my life while in Africa.  Again, I wasn't able to tell the people in five minutes of the profound impact this trip has had on my life and in all the ways that God used this trip to change me. So, I tried to tackle one big realization that I had made...That God loves the WORLD and that I want to love God like the African children do. 

Here is what I shared at church on Sunday...

 

John 3:16...

I can almost guarantee that when those three words were spoken, you began to unconsciously recite this simple, yet profound verse from memory.  Like me, some of you learned this verse at a very young age.  It was probably the first bible verse you ever memorized. 

 

Sadly, I never knew how intense this verse was...until our trip to Kenya.  I knew the words and I had heard them so many times…I just couldn’t grasp the concept.  “For God so loved the WORLD…” 

 

I believed for God so loved Kristen because I could see it, I believed for God so loved my family because I could see it, I even believed for God so loved America because I could see it…but for the first time in my life my eyes were open to see and experience that God loves the WORLD.  I could finally grasp what this verse meant…thanks to one incredible and unforgettable experience. 

On Tuesday, we were at Mbewau School with missionaries Chris & Lisa Moore, having a chapel service with the children.  They began to sing songs of praise and worship…songs we all know and love...

“Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you.” 

“I could sing of your love forever.” 

“Pour out your power and love as we sing holy, holy, holy.”

As I sat there with tears in my eyes, I was awestruck...How could these children sing of God’s love forever when they sleep on a dirt floor?  How could these children sing to God that they want to see him, when all they see is poverty?  How could they ask God to pour out his power and love when they are dying of diseases like Malaria and Aids?  How could they tell God he is enough, when they have absolutely nothing? 

It’s simple.  They don’t see the things I see.  Their hearts are pure.  Their joy is overflowing.  Their lives are content. Not because of the things they have or don’t have, but simply because of their love for Christ.  God is enough for them.

In that moment, I desperately wanted to love God like they did.  I want to love God without conditions.  I want to love God without circumstance dictations.  I want to love God based on the things I have or don't have.  I want to love God without caring what other people think of me.  I simply want to love God with my whole heart...for my whole life. 

Children, beautiful brown-eyed children taught me that in just one church service.  And here I was supposed to be there teaching them about the love of Christ!  I was supposed to be teaching them to love God with their whole heart and instead they taught me.

For God so loved the WORLD…I finally believed it.  I finally felt it for the first time.  God doesn’t see race, God doesn’t see religion, God doesn’t see culture, God doesn’t see failures, and God doesn’t see people that are unreachable…God sees the hearts of children…in all of us. 

There’s a reason Jesus says in Matthew 18: 3, “that unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven and that whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” 

We need to have faith like children, children who will give their life to him whole heartedly without expectations, without conditions, and without reluctancy. 

I need to wake up.  We need to wake up.  Our church needs to wake up.  God loves the WORLD and it is our job to not just tell them that he does, but to serve them, and to show them that he does. 

Jesus gave the great commission in Matthew 28: 19: Go..."Go therefore and make disciples of ALL nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” 

Go.  Don’t just send money.  Don’t just watch it on tv.  Don’t just take my word for it…GO!  You don't have to go to Africa. You can go to the homeless shelter downtown.  You can go to the nursing home down the street.  You can go to your family dinners on the holidays.  You can go to work every single day.  Just go somewhere and show the love of Christ.  Actions speak louder than words.  We all have a mission field, we simply just have to be willing to go. 

Christians are being persecuted all over the world and if we don’t go ourselves or help support the missionaries who do go…someone else will.  Someone else will tell them that God only loves them when they do good things.  Someone else will tell them that not everybody is worthy of entering the kingdom of heaven.  Someone else will tell them that Jesus Christ is not the Son of God and did not die on a cross for our sins. Someone else will tell them things they may believe...and it will change the course of their eternity.  We have to take action.  We have to pray for them, support missionaries who devote their lives to witnessing to them, and do our part...whatever that may be.

They sang one last song at the end of the worship service.  This one almost brought me to my knees.  The lyrics pierced my soul.  I listened as the children sang...

“Lord I love you.  You're my present, my past, my future.  You’re the keeper of my heart.  The healer of my soul.  The one who sees me through.  I give my life to you.  Lord I love you.” 

I gave my life to God when I was saved at the age 13.  I gave my life again to God when I resurrendered my life at the age of 24.  And once again I had to let go of my life in Kenya. 

Before Kenya...I loved God, I thought I trusted him, but I was still trying to call the shots.  I was helping God fulfill my life’s purpose.  But that was always so exhausting and I finally realized that I was tired!  Tired of worrying, tired of being impatient, tired of overthinking it, tired of being in control because at the end of the day I knew I never was.  So...I gave up!  I relinquished control, I stepped out in faith, and I vowed to be patient and to stop making things happen by myself and for myself. 

From the time I wake up in the morning and my feet hit the floor, I want my daily prayer to be… “Not my will, but yours be done today.”

I have given God back the pen.  The pen he will use to write my story. 

I want God to tell me who I am.  I want God to tell me where to go.  I want God to use me to do great things...things that I could NEVER do on my own...things that advance the kingdom of heaven. 

And I finally don't care what others think.   Who am I living for?  The approval of the world or the approval of my heavenly father?  Christians in Africa would rather die than deny their identity in Christ and I am too scared sometimes to share my faith.  I am so afraid that people may think differently of me.  That people won't want to be my friend anymore.  But when I went to Africa, I finally had to let that go.  If I love God, like I claim to... it shouldn't matter.  If I love others, like Christ did... it shouldn't matter.  If I serve others and count them of more value than myself... it shouldn't matter.  And that is what I so desperately want!

So when I hear the children of Africa singing this beautiful song...

"Lord I give my life to you, Lord I love you." 

I too will sing with them and will be reminded of one simple, yet profound lesson those children taught me one Tuesday afternoon.  I hope this will one day be your prayer as well...