God is Bigger than Alzheimer's

Legacy. Your life.  Your choices.  Your actions.  Your influence.  All of them, effect who you are and more importantly, effect the impact you have on the people around you. 

I am forever blessed to have the privilege to know many people of integrity...many people of faith...many people of wisdom...many people who have taught me life's beautiful lessons. People who have helped shape and mold me into the person I am...and honestly...am still becoming.  One such person responsible for my outcome is my grandfather, Jim Vaughn.  A true legacy.  My hero.

My grandpa and I on his 70th Birthday.

My grandfather is a great man.  A man of sincere integrity.  A man of deep courage.  A man of honest faith.  A man of loyal love.  A man of ultimate sacrifice.  A man of true humility.  And a man of great influence...Influence on the people he has worked with, the people he has preached to, and even the people he has encountered in life along the way. His legacy has impacted his five children and their spouses, his sixteen grandchildren and their spouses, and his seventeen great-grandchildren (and counting!!). 

Yes, it's a fair assessment to say we are multiplying like rabbits...When we are altogether, we have about 50+ people at family gatherings, food galore, kids running around screaming, people sitting on the floor eating, everyone passing around babies, rich coversations, and laughter...lots of laughter.  I'm sure it has crossed grandma and grandpa's mind a time or two as they look out across the room full of chaos and all that ensues at family events, and must think, wow what an incredible and beautiful thing God created and we were a part of beginning.

This isn't even half of us!

I wish that it could just be that.  It could just stop there.  We could just love and be loved and life would be simple...easy.  But unfortunately we live in a world where sometimes we don't have that option.  Sometimes we live in a world without a choice.  A world full of disappointments, despair, and disease.  Giants that come roaring in the face of thier adversaries.  Giants that try to destroy your hopes, your dreams, your love, your family, and even your faith.  Alzheimer's is one combatant and ferocious giant.  And the reality is...it is a relentless and antagonizing giant...a giant that our family is currently facing. 

We are left with a choice.  We can either turn and run away, crawl under a rock and hide, or we can get our mighty pebbles and start swinging for the fences...protecting all that we have left in the man we so desperately love. 

It's our job to preserve.  Preserve the time, the memories, the legacy, and the relentless faith of one man.  The man we owe our lives to here on Earth.  The man who helped make our eternity in heaven a permanent possibility.  It's our job to remember, when he can't. 

It happened slowly.  So slowly some of us didn't even see it coming. It was easy to look the other way and shut out the voice in the back of our minds whispering the truth of what was really happening. 

Alzheimer's is like that.  It makes you think...well truly believe...that anyone can forget their keys.  Anyone can forget the story they were trying to tell you. Anyone can forget where they were going or what they came upstairs for.  Anyone!  It was just old age...It was just bad hearing...This could be fixed. 

All the while, the disease is spreading, blocking signals. Signals that are supposed to remind him of who we are, who he is, and of the incredible life he has lived. 

The more and more apparent it became, the more you wished you could just simply press rewind. Rewind and hit slow motion.  Let the conversations you used to have for hours sitting around the kitchen table, sippin sweet iced tea, and allow yourself to soak.  Soak in every ounce of wisdom, advice, and life lessons this wise man had once offered so many times before. 

I began to desperately want to relive.  Relive the moments as a child, riding on the tractor with him for hours as he planted his fields on the farm. Relive the moments of going to work with him, stopping to get donuts, and finding stray kittens he would let me bring home without even asking my parents if it was ok.  Relive the moments of spending the night at grandma and grandpa's with five or six of my cousins, sleeping on the floor in the living room, and watching The Three Stooges until he came out and turned it off.  Reliving the moments of asking grandpa to do what we wanted...because you knew you ALWAYS asked grandpa...he would never say no!  Relive the moments of sitting on grandpa's lap and driving the truck down gravel roads.  Relive the moments of watching him read his bible at night in his recliner, studying for the sermon he was going to give on Sunday morning.  Relive the moments of going to Dairy Queen after church or Pizza Hut every Friday night.  Relive the moments of our annual family hayride and grandpa driving the green Oliver tractor around as we all threw hay.  These moments.  These memories.  Nothing can take them away. He may not remember...but I...I will never forget! 

Annual Family Hayride!  Grandpa is driving up front!

We recently had a family event and he was having a good day.  As he held my cousin's baby in his arms, I watched him with close intent and a longing heart.  My grandpa was grinning and whispering sweet nothings into her tiny ears as he swayed her back and forth.  Tears stung my eyes as I watched this scene unfolding before me, I prayed that I would someday witness de ja vu with my own flesh and blood.  As I choked back the tears, I couldn't help but wonder if he would ever hold my baby.  Would he ever walk her around in his arms and talk to her? Would he smile at her with his infectious smile? Would he get to tell her how beautiful she was?  Would he call her "his girl" just like he called me my entire life?

Grandpa holding baby, Gwen!  This moment was so precious!

I watched as he sat there with the biggest smile on his face knowing that he was holding his legacy. A legacy of family.  A legacy of love.  A legacy of faith.  He was proud.  He was in love.  He was content and filled with pure joy.  He knew she was his own flesh and blood, even if he didn't know her by name or who she belonged to.  I smiled at him and he smiled back.  "You need to get you one of these," he says as he hands me the baby.  "Yes, you are so right!  I think I do, grandpa." 

It's a good day, I think to myself.  Another day that you try to soak-in every minute, every second, you have with him.  A sweet and gentle reminder that on days like today, God still remains on the throne and he is bigger than any disease.  God is bigger than Alzheimer's.

I found him again sitting outside on the front porch.  I quickly stole the moment as another opportunity.  I began to talk to him. Asking him about his past, knowing that those earlier memories are a little easier for him to recall than more recent ones.  They say your memory goes backwards.  He lit up as he told me about his childhood, his family, and his parents.  He told me stories of how his dad accidentally ran him over in a truck and he lived.  He told me of his teenage years, high school experiences, playing basketball, and even meeting grandma. 

He told me of when he gave his life to Christ and followed the calling of becoming a preacher.  How he went to California to start a church and even moved out to western Kansas to do the same.  I asked him if he was ever scared to follow God.  "Nope.  I knew it was what God wanted me to do.  You listen to God when he has something to say."  I smile thinking of his obedience, his sacrifices, and his surrender to God.  It's inspiring and contagious.  He has no idea of the legacy that he is leaving behind.

He began to talk again, sometimes repeating the same story.  I let him.  I didn't care if I heard the same thing 10 times over...I didn't ever want him to stop talking, to stop sharing.  I wanted to soak up every story, every memory, and every phrase the man uttered.  Our time is short.  Our moments are fleeting.  I have to know more.  I could sense he was getting tired so I asked him one final question to wrap up our improptu evening conversation.  "Grandpa, what was the best decision you ever made in your life?"  Without any hesitation he said,  "My wife."  "She's the best thing that has ever happened to me.  She's perfect."  I tease him.  Perfect?  Really?  Yes, he assures me...she's perfect!  I smile and I cry...again.  His legacy.  Their legacy. It's the reason we are all here.  The reason I am even able to sit across from him on this front porch and have this cherished conversation about his first love. 

I got to thinking on my way home that night.  God builds beautiful masterpieces out of our life, if we would just let go of our control and simply let him.  Despite his life circumstances and high school experience, my grandpa chose to follow Jesus.  And because he chose Jesus, my father knows Jesus, I know Jesus, my children will know Jesus, and God willing it will continue generation after generation.  One decision.  One choice.  Made all the difference in our family. 

My grandpa celebrated his 70th birthday party a few years ago. Looking back, it was the best thing our family ever did.  A moment we didn't even realize would be one of great importance.  We didn't know what was to come. 

At his surprise birthday party, with his family gathered before him, we honored him.  We shared our favorite memories of him as a father, a grandfather, a husband, a brother, and a great man.  We had no idea this would be one of our last opportunities to tell him how much we truly cared for him.  He cried and said that the best thing that has ever happened to him is his family.  I believe it.  Because he is the best thing that ever happened to us!   

My dad telling stories about grandpa at his surprise birthday party!

Grandma and grandpa recently came up to our new house to visit.  We were celebrating my dad's birthday.  We had cake and ice cream (grandpa's favorite) and I gave them a tour of our home.  As it got later and later, I watched him get a little more confused.  Sundowning is the proper term.  You could see in his eyes that he wasn't quite sure of where he was at anymore.  He didn't know where to put his plate or what to do with his coffee cup.  He didn't know who I was.  I hated seeing him that way...thinking the disease was winning, I felt sorry for myself again.  But God wouldn't let me feel sorry for very long...

As they got up to leave, I hugged him tight, told him I loved him, and said goodbye.  He looked me right in the eye and said, "Well, I'll see you in Heaven."  I looked at my grandma who was crying in the background, turned back and looked him in the eyes, and I simply responded, "Yes.  Yes you will." 

As I slowly shut the door with tears streaming down my face....ironically... I smiled.  He may forget that I am married, he may forget that I am his granddaughter, he may even forget my name, but it is abundantly clear that there is one thing he will never forget.   He will never forget who God is.  Alzheimer's...that big ugly giant...will never take that away!  Even on his worst days, he still remembers who he belongs to. 

He still remembers that he loves a God in Heaven and someday he will be there soon.  Then, he will be complete and every memory that this disease on Earth has taken away, will be restored.  One day when we meet at the pearly gates of Heaven, my grandfather will stand there and greet me by name. 

One day he will remember.  He will remember holding me in his arms the day I was born, teaching me how to shoot a basketball, helping me milk the cows, making homemade icecream together, watching me get baptized, attending my graduation, and even watching me get married.  He will remember. 

My grandpa holding me the day I was born!

We will smile, we will laugh, and nothing...nothing... will ever be as if it was any different.   God wins!  HE ALWAYS WINS! 

God is bigger than Alzheimer's!  And he is bigger than any giant you are facing...Bigger than any disease...Bigger than any dissapointment...He is bigger...stronger...mightier...than ALL things. 

This is dedicated to my grandfather.  A man who taught me that God is always bigger!  Your legacy Jim Vaughn, will never be forgotten!