Why is 30 always perceived as so daunting? Why is it made out to be either this monumental arrival or the oppositional viewpoint of life is over as we know it?
Feeling the pressure of 30 quickly approaching on the horizon, I had this strange sensation to make a list. Not surprising, if you know me at all...I am, after all, the ultimate list keeper.
I decided that I was going to compile all that I wanted to accomplish in my last year before turning 30. Places I would visit, classes I would take, volunteer opportunities I would become involved with, new hobbies I would discover, new books I would read...
But as I began to make my list, the ideas didn't flow as freely as I thought they would.
Instead...the list of all the things that I needed to do turned into a reflection of all the things that I have already done. The accomplishments I've had, the places I have traveled, the people I've met, but most importantly the invaluable lessons I have learned along the way. And best of all, the person I have become.
The journey...my journey. The road no one can travel but me. The long and winding path that led me to this ripe old age of 29. Looking back...I have lived life.
The only disappointing part of it all was that I didn't start living...like really living, until I was 23.
I have lived a more fulfilled life in the last six years, not because of circumstance, luck, or even fate, but simply because I had finally discovered who I was, what I wanted, and I worked hard to obtain it.
Lately, I personally know and have seen so many girls...girls who were just like me. Girls who think their lives are falling apart. Girls who think they will never have it all together. Girls who think they are unworthy of happiness. Girls who believe they will never discover who they really are. Girls who are scared to end up alone. Girls who are wasting the best years of their lives...just waiting.
Take it from someone who has been in your shoes...who knows what it is like to be unhappy, overweight, unloved, unmotivated, alone, desperate....waiting...hoping...for life to finally turn out the way you want it to...waiting...hoping...for it to finally be your turn.
Your turn to find your soul mate, your turn to find the perfect job, your turn to be successful, your turn to get married, your turn to travel to exotic places, your turn to make the difference, your turn to have a family, your turn to have it all together...Your turn.
But the problem with the you now and the me back then was simply that we were waiting. Waiting does nothing. Waiting doesn't change your circumstance. Waiting doesn't change your future. Waiting doesn't bring you hope. Waiting only keeps you...waiting!
At the age of 29, I do not pretend to be an expert on life...quite frankly, the opposite. I don't have it all figured out and I am quite confident that I never will! Learning and growing through this life is what it's all about.
But I do have some insight for the girl, the girl who reminds me of myself six years ago.
To the Young Girl in Your 20's...
1. You have your own story. Stop trying to live out someone else's. We do it all the time. We compare ourselves. We want what others have. We force our journey to become someone else's...but their story isn't yours. Our parents are high school sweethearts so we force our high school relationship to work thinking it would be so cool if we too married our high school boyfriend. She lost 100 pounds when she trained for a marathon so now we start running hoping this too will be our weight loss journey. She met her husband on an online dating site so we sign up, hoping we will find our prince charming the same way. But what happens when your high school sweetheart dumps you? Or you discover you HATE running? Or all the blind dates you went on were duds? What do you do then? I can tell you what you do. That is when you beat yourself up. You devalue who you are. You tell yourself you failed. STOP! It was never your story to begin with...you have your own. You aren't a failure. You just need to find your own success. In your own way. In your own time. You have your own story to live.
2. A guy will not complete you and he will never define you. Girls, why do we base our whole worth on our relationships with men? Why are we so desperate to find love? Why is being single such a disgrace, an embarrassment, and an empty feeling of self-worth? Stop degrading yourself. Stop being desperate. Stop forcing relationships that were never meant to be. Even if and when you get married...A guy will never complete you. He will never make you happy. He does not define who you are and what you will become. Only you can. You will never be happy, never be complete, and never know your true value in this life until you know who you are and what you want as an individual. The most attractive quality of a woman is her self-confidence and self-worth. Love yourself. Embrace who you are. Enjoy being single. These should be the best years of your life! Travel, read, find new hobbies, spend time with family and friends, exercise, discover, have fun, be alone, take risks, just enjoy being you!
3. God's version of you is better than your version of you. I tried to plan out my life. Down to every detail. I was going to be married by 22. Kids by 25. Live in my small town with my high school boyfriend and my happy little family....All I can say is THANK GOD he had bigger dreams for me than I had for myself. We sell ourselves short. God does not. Trust him. His plans are ALWAYS bigger and better than you could ever imagine! His timing is impeccable. He knows the future...we don't! Be patient. It's worth the wait! Nothing is more rewarding and fulfilling than to know you are in God's will. To look back and to watch how it all unfolded and worked together for your good. Also know this. It's not a destination, it's a process. You're never going to finally "arrive." We are always looking for big signs and huge epiphanies. But for most of us, it just doesn't happen that way. Just pray through it, seek his will, and walk it out. Your feet will lead you where you're supposed to go...one day at a time.
4. You're not a victim. We live in a fallen world. Bad things happen to good people every single day. We make stupid choices and costly mistakes. You can't change the past. People will disappoint you. People will leave you. People will doubt you. People will question you. People will hurt you. You can't change people. You can only change yourself. Pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and put one foot in front of the other. Do not make excuses. Do not wallow in self-pity. It only hurts you in the long run. It will not change your circumstances. You're not a victim...You're a survivor. You're not a lost cause...you have a purpose. You're not worthless....You're irreplaceable.
5. The grass isn't greener on the other side. Life is hard no matter what you have or don't have. No matter who loves you or doesn't love you. No matter what you've accomplished or haven't accomplished. Life is just plain hard. Escaping it, avoiding it, making excuses for it, or wishing it were different doesn't make it any better. The most rewarding feeling is fighting through it, fighting for it. Jumping to the other side of the fence doesn't change the circumstance, it only changes the setting. Your problems will still be your problems on the other side of the fence...they may disappear for a while, but they always manage to resurface. Face them. Conquer them. Don't run from them.
6. Stupid choices = costly mistakes. I've made a lot of stupid choices in my life. Choices that sometimes were costly mistakes. Mistakes that could have affected my life...forever. While the mistakes did teach me lessons and those lessons were sometimes invaluable, it wasn't worth the heartache they brought when they could have been avoided in the first place. My rule of thumb is this: Try not to repeat the same mistake twice. The first is a mistake; the second is a conscious choice. Value the cost of the choice. If its consequences could be potentially devastating, is it worth it? By God's grace I have been saved from many potentially devastating mistakes and their consequences could have made my life extremely difficult. I was never ready for those consequences when I made the choices. Are you?
7. You're ugly when you're mean. I learned this the hard way. I used to pride myself on being honest. I used honesty to say and do whatever I wanted and it hurt others. No one wants to be around mean people. Have you ever met a gorgeous girl, but then she opens her mouth to speak and she isn't as pretty as you thought? You don't want to be that girl! Be different. Be kind. Love others. Embrace differences. Show grace. Forgive. Laugh. Be patient. Let it go...it's not worth it!
8. Take risks. Dream Big. Set Goals. Nothing that is worth anything in this life comes easy. If it were easy...well you know how the saying goes. The point is this. If you don't dream, you don't have anything to live for. If you don't set goals, you don't have anything to strive for and if you don't take risks, you don't have anything worthwhile to accomplish. Set your goals and revisit them often. Evaluate your progress and change what needs to be changed. Make your dreams become a reality by putting yourself out there and taking a risk. Work hard. Don't give up! When you want what others have, they had to work for it...just like you will have to.
9. Choose Your Friends Wisely. Your friendships matter! They will influence you. They will persuade you. They will rub off on you. Their attitudes, perspectives, choices, opinions, lifestyles...it will all affect you. Choose wisely. Surround yourself with positive people who lift you up, who challenge you to become a better version of yourself, who encourage you, who love you, who inspire you, who make you think differently, who are kind, who are personable, who are like-minded. They are the ones who encourage you as you set goals, who push you to take risks, who believe in you when you don't believe in yourself, who forgive you when you make mistakes, who love you unconditionally, and who help you to find your purpose. They matter...trust me!
10. You have a purpose. Find it. Your purpose is your own. Your destiny written only for you. God made you and only you for a reason. Your happiness, your contentment, your fulfillment comes from the only one who can provide it...trust in him. Follow him. Believe in him. You don't have to be a missionary in the jungle or a motivational speaker to a crowd of thousands to have a true purpose or calling, he didn't make everyone the same. Your purpose may seem very small and insignificant to you, but it isn't to him or to the others around you. You never know who you're influencing or who is watching. Also know this...your purpose is always changing. It's new with every season of life. Embrace the season you're in and enjoy this moment in time...
because pretty soon you will turn 30 and you'll feel like you're supposed to have it all together...but trust me...you won't...and it will all be OK!
