Perspective. It can make you feel like you hold the whole world in the palm of your hand or it can make you feel like the world is caving in around you. Your perspective can shape the way that you view life and the relationships you have with others. Normally I would say I have a pretty solid perspective. Most of the time, I have a positive view on life, ready to tackle the world one problem at a time. But sometimes I suck at perspective taking. While I know it's completely irrational, I can't stop myself from becoming so extreme and feeling so ridiculous.
I had a New Year's Resolution EPIC FAIL yesterday. I was not an encouraging, loving wife like I vowed to be in 2014. To say that it was a minor set-back is an understatement. But, like other New Years Resolutions sometimes it's a daily mindset, a perspective if you will. Sometimes you eat the chocolate cake you aren't supposed to have. Sometimes you spend beyond your planned budget. Sometimes you sleep-in instead of going to the gym like you promised yourself you would. Minor set-backs to your goals are inevitable. The question is do you let that one mistake define who you are and what you have set out to do? Do you choose to let that set-back ruin your ultimate goals? I will not.
Here's the background information you need to know:
On a negative 30 degree day a pipe in our basement burst flooding our finished basement. In this situation I had a great perspective. It's just water. We can tear out the sheetrock, replace the carpet and repaint. No big deal! Especially since I was wanting to give the basement a facelift anyways. It was actually a blessing in disguise! I get to remodel the basement and it didn't even have to come out of our budget!
If you know anything about me, you would know I love to decorate. I blame my mother (an amazingly talented interior designer). Nonetheless, my heart pitter patters as I pick paint colors, home décor, and furniture. Hobby Lobby is my safe haven. When I walk in the doors, I hear angels sing. It's a rush to say the least.
But just as much as I love decorating the house, my husband loves KU basketball even more. He bleeds red...and blue. Some of our worst fights have centered around KU basketball (because I happen to be a Missouri girl). Really stupid right?! Yes, we know!
So of course, the day that I want to go and pick out things for the basement just so happens to be the day KU plays at 3:00. Not wanting to start a fight, I tell my husband that he can stay and watch the game and that I am just going to go "look" at carpet and a vanity at Nebraska Furniture Mart. Well, I did look. But... there was a sale...and I really liked the carpet...the color was perfect...and they only had enough square yards left to fit our exact basement...so...I reserved the carpet with a $100 down payment. No, I technically didn't purchase it. It can always be canceled. But I did make the decision to go ahead and "hold" it.
I called my husband elated and proud of my decision, turns out he wasn't as excited as I was. Not only was I interrupting the last two minutes of the stupid basketball game, but I said I was just going up to "look." To him it sounds like I just bought thousands of dollars worth of carpet without consulting him first.
The root of it all was a communication misunderstanding. It could have stopped there, but it turned into a train wreck, word vomit to be exact, mostly my own. The domino pieces just kept tumbling into one another. Did it stop there? Why of course not! Fights like that often leak into the next day...Sunday of course. Where you have to put on your smile, go to church, and pretend like everything is ok.
That's just not me. I can't pretend like nothing is wrong. I don't plaster a smile on my face when I am sad or mad. I have never been that person and I probably never will be. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm not very good at keeping my emotions or my words in. I am sure people knew we were fighting and I honestly didn't care. Ironic how we were supposed to be selling tickets to a marriage seminar that morning. Ironic how they show a marriage video at church for the seminar on two becoming one. I feel bad that we are fighting on this particular Sunday morning, but the anger that has welled up inside of me keeps me justified.
Yes, we had a fight. Yes, he was being a jerk. Yes, I will admit it now (not in the moment) that I was being a jerk too. And yes, we both blew it way out of proportion. But my perspective in the moment became embarrassingly skewed. We lead a marriage bible study at our house on Tuesday nights for married couples. We set goals for our marriage. We do a marriage devotional on Saturdays and had even done one that very same morning. We had literally just prayed a few hours before that fight for each other individually and for our marriage. So how in the world after investing all of that time and being so proactive in having a healthy marriage do we still fight? And not just fight, but have a WWIII fight? My mind was infected. The anger continued to overcome my heart and my mind. I told myself he wasn't going to get to say he was sorry this time. He has been sorry in the past, said he was going to fix things, and then he doesn't. He isn't a great husband. All he wants to do is control me.
Ashamed now, not only was I thinking all of those things, but I said all of those thoughts aloud to him. Near the end of our fight when he knew he wasn't going to win, he said something profound to me, something that I will never ever forget.
"Yes, You are right! I am immature. I am selfish. I screw up...a lot. I am not perfect. Telling me that I can't say that I am sorry anymore because I still screw up is like telling me to stop sinning. I can't. I want to be perfect for you, but I can't. I try really hard every single day to be a good husband. You can't take one mistake and use it to discount every good thing that I do for you."
OUCH! Knife to the heart! I stood there fighting to be tough and hold the tears back. I tried telling myself that he was still a jerk. Still a bad husband. So, I grabbed my purse and decided to leave. As I left, I looked down and saw the laundry that he had just done for us the day before. As I walked out the door, I saw the room he had painted for me as a surprise one weekend. As I started my car, I remembered him checking my oil every week to make sure my car was safe and I wouldn't be stranded. As I pulled out of the garage, I saw the remnants of the basement he just tore out to make room for the new. As I left the driveway, I remembered him shoveling the snow the very first weekend we had bought our new house and were getting ready to move in. As I lifted my visor down to block the sun, I saw the note he had left me in my car one day, "To my wonderful wife, I love you with all of my heart." And then as a culminating last turn of the knife, was the song on the KLOVE radio station. A song about grace. Grace that I didn't have for the one person I loved the most. I cried.
He was so right. My perspective was so slanted. How could I let one mistake dictate who he was? I am not perfect. I would never want him to hold something I had done over my head. I expect God to forgive me every single day. I expect people to forgive me every single day. Yet, I wasn't willing to forgive. I wasn't willing to let it go. I wasn't willing to give him grace.
I came back home with my "tail" between my legs and apologized. Was he wrong in some regards? Heck ya. (And he did apologize for the record). But I was more wrong to make a small fight turn into World War III and make him feel like a worthless husband.
We are going to fight in our marriages. We are two imperfect people who sin multiple times a day. It's inevitable. No matter how much you do to be proactive and prevent bad things from happening in your marriage, the truth is evil still seeps through. It's not that we will never fight. It's that we must learn how to fight. Learn how to forgive. And learn how to give grace.
Aside from salvation, marriage is the most beautiful gift God has given us. The chance to become one flesh with someone else isn't something we can take for granted. My husband is amazing. He has so many great character traits and his heart is so big. Selfishly, I chose to ignore all of those great characteristics on Sunday simply so that I could win the fight.
Well, I lost...for the most part. And I'm thankful that I did. It was a lesson that I needed to learn. A perspective "slap in the face" if you will. Just as I don't want my mistakes to define who I am, neither does my husband. If I expect God to give me grace every single hour of the day, then I need to give it to others in return.
What perspective do you need to change in your life? Who do you need to forgive? Who do you need to show grace to? I tend to be all or nothing. I need to remember that there is a level in between. A level where mistakes are made. I don't let mistakes define who I am so I can't let others mistakes shape how I view them.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
19,710 Days
Life is a roller coaster. Seasons of your life that can be spent at the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. If we are lucky sometimes we get to coast along for a while, just enjoying the ride. These moments, depending on where you are in your season of life, can feel like an eternity while others can seem to slip right through your hands like tiny grains of sand. The beauty and curse of life are that these seasons, these moments, are almost always unknown and unforeseen. We never know when the next big break will come or when the world can literally bring us to our knees. Sometimes I wonder, if we knew what lied ahead of us, what would we do differently?
Life is full of choices. Simple choices and life-altering choices. One of the most loving things God did for us was to give us freedom. Free will to make our own choices. The choices we make can dictate our path in life and can carve out the journey we are on. These choices can shape the person we are and the person we become. No one can make them for us. Sure people can try to influence you and sometimes we allow that to happen (either to our benefit or to our demise), but at the end of the day...we...and only we made that choice. Choices can have a ripple effect. I have seen it personally and unfortunately the impact is and was severely profound. One choice, one decision, can ruin a marriage, can break apart a family and can shatter the potential of people for generations to come. Sometimes, that one, seemingly simple choice never stops with you. It's a domino effect that can have eternal impact on you and everyone around you. Your friends, your family, the people you love the most can either suffer or flourish because of just one, small, seemingly simple choice.
Life is limited. Time is ticking and even though we wish we could hit pause...we can't. I am 27 years old. According to a recent study, the average woman in the United States lives to be 81. That means that I have at least 54 years left in my life...if I'm one of the lucky ones. Let's pretend I am blessed with 54 more years. That means that I have 19,710 possible days left to walk this earth. 19,710 days to ride on the roller coaster of life through the ups, the downs, and the in-betweens. 19,710 days to make choices, positive and intentional or selfish and detrimental. 19,710 days to embrace every season of life as an opportunity for growth or to curse where I am, blame it on someone else, and wish the time away. 19,710 to live my life with purpose or to live a life wasted and full of regret.
On July 17, 2012, my family's world was shattered, forever. I will never forget that day. I was tutoring a little boy when my phone rang. It was my dad. I silenced it and continued to teach. It rang again, almost immediately, thinking there was a connection error, I silenced it again. When he left a message, I had a gut feeling something was wrong. As quickly as the feeling came so did the phone call again. I finally picked it up. I immediately knew something was wrong. My dad said that my Uncle Steve was gone. He had an accident at work. My dad was four hours away and he needed me to get to my mom as soon as I could. My heart was literally pounding out of my chest and tears welled up inside. Shock...complete and total shock...What happened? When did this happen? What are we going to do? I left quickly and broke every speed limit racing to get to my mom. The whole time all I could do was cry out to God. What are you doing? Why is this happening? How is this ever going to be ok? I begged and I pleaded for him to change this. I prayed for God to show up. He had to fix this!
As I pulled into the driveway, I could hear my mom screaming from outside. I was numb. What am I going to do? What am I going to say? I walked in the door as she collapsed in my arms, screaming, crying. "This isn't happening, this is NOT happening." she cried. I held her tight and there were no words. All I could do was cry...and pray. The phone began to ring. Family members calling, finding out for the first time. Ring after ring my mom had to break the news to someone else, cutting her deeper and deeper in grief. I knew my mom needed me, but she also needed more than me. The strongest woman I have ever known was broken. Our family was completely devastated. My uncle's life had just vanished in the blink of an eye. No warning. No preparation. No one got the chance to say goodbye. No one got the chance to say I love you one last time. A father, a son, a brother, an uncle...he was gone. We were broken and lost. How would we ever heal?
This season of life my family has been in, has been an unbearable one. At times, questioning if we would ever make it through. A year and a half later, we are still healing. There are pieces for some of us that will never be put back together in this life. Questions that will never be answered.
How do you fully embrace this season of life? The truth is you don't. You hang on for dear life, hoping that with each passing day it will get better. The quote, "Time heals all wounds" is a lie. Time passes and those wounds are still open and raw, sometimes digging deeper every waking day. Time doesn't heal all wounds...God heals all wounds. Only he can bring peace and comfort in your darkest of days. I have witnessed it first hand.
Remember my prayer on the way to my mom? God did show up. He showed up in the most powerful of ways. A family that had a history of being broken is working on putting the pieces of their life back together. Relationships that were severed have slowly been restored. In the loss, people have found hope and peace in God and have drawn closer to him. My family walks differently, knowing that our time is limited, our choices important, and our lives eternal. It has brought our family closer together. For the first time in 40 years, our family celebrated Thanksgiving together, leaving one empty chair at the dinner table for Steve. My broken mother? Still the strongest woman I know...now even stronger, continuing to be a source of strength and glue that binds her family together.
Through God's orchestrated plan, my uncle Steve has even given sight to a blind man. Organ donation was one of the hardest decisions my mother and family ever had to make. The eyes were the most unbearable thing to give up. Steve had the most piercing eyes. Mom says, "They are the eyes that pierce your soul." Beautifully ironic how the hardest thing to give up and to sacrifice for the sake of someone else was the most blessed and honored. Months later, my mom received a letter from the donor recipient. With Steve's eyes, this man, this complete stranger, has new life and he is forever grateful. And although my uncle won't, this man is now able to watch his daughter walk down the aisle and hold his grandchild for the first time.
Lives have been forever changed since July 17, 2012 and I believe will continue to be changed. It's never goodbye, only so long until we see you again, Steve!
While I learned so many things in that season of grief, the biggest lesson I learned was that our life is short. We are never promised tomorrow. The choices we make in this life shape the memories our loved ones hold on to when we are gone. My Uncle Steve had the most infectious smile. He had a raspy laugh and a mischievous spirit. He was giving and caring. He was an amazing father who loved his children unconditionally, and fulfilled his duties of "Mr. Mom" quite well. He was a talented carpenter, and I can't help but believe he and Jesus are sharing their building trades together in Heaven.
I saw a quote today on Facebook by Lysa Terkeurst, one of my favorite authors. She says that, "Big things are built, one brick at a time. Victories are achieved one choice at a time. A life well lived is chosen one day at a time."
19,710 days. Will I make every single one of them count? I really wish I could. But the truth is I am going to make mistakes. After all I am human. But I choose to not let those mistakes define who I am or let the fear of making a mistake keep me from living my God given life to its fullest potential.
I want to have a life well lived. I want to leave behind a life full of memories, a legacy that can be cherished long after I am gone. But I have to make positive, impactful choices every single day. I have to embrace the season of life that I am in and be content with what I have been given. I have to remember that my days are numbered, because I honestly really don't know if I will get 19,710 of them.
So, here is one of my resolutions...
Life is a roller coaster, so I will ride with my hands lifted high in the air, not because I may be enjoying it, but because I am putting my faith and trust in God through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows in 2014.
Life is full of choices, so I choose to make choices that leave positive eternal impacts in 2014.
Life is limited, so I choose to cherish and make the most of my time with my family, my friends, my colleagues...even strangers, in 2014.
This is one of my New Year's Resolutions for 2014: To embrace the season of life that I am in (good or bad) and to know there is a reason and a purpose for all things.
Life is full of choices. Simple choices and life-altering choices. One of the most loving things God did for us was to give us freedom. Free will to make our own choices. The choices we make can dictate our path in life and can carve out the journey we are on. These choices can shape the person we are and the person we become. No one can make them for us. Sure people can try to influence you and sometimes we allow that to happen (either to our benefit or to our demise), but at the end of the day...we...and only we made that choice. Choices can have a ripple effect. I have seen it personally and unfortunately the impact is and was severely profound. One choice, one decision, can ruin a marriage, can break apart a family and can shatter the potential of people for generations to come. Sometimes, that one, seemingly simple choice never stops with you. It's a domino effect that can have eternal impact on you and everyone around you. Your friends, your family, the people you love the most can either suffer or flourish because of just one, small, seemingly simple choice.
Life is limited. Time is ticking and even though we wish we could hit pause...we can't. I am 27 years old. According to a recent study, the average woman in the United States lives to be 81. That means that I have at least 54 years left in my life...if I'm one of the lucky ones. Let's pretend I am blessed with 54 more years. That means that I have 19,710 possible days left to walk this earth. 19,710 days to ride on the roller coaster of life through the ups, the downs, and the in-betweens. 19,710 days to make choices, positive and intentional or selfish and detrimental. 19,710 days to embrace every season of life as an opportunity for growth or to curse where I am, blame it on someone else, and wish the time away. 19,710 to live my life with purpose or to live a life wasted and full of regret.
On July 17, 2012, my family's world was shattered, forever. I will never forget that day. I was tutoring a little boy when my phone rang. It was my dad. I silenced it and continued to teach. It rang again, almost immediately, thinking there was a connection error, I silenced it again. When he left a message, I had a gut feeling something was wrong. As quickly as the feeling came so did the phone call again. I finally picked it up. I immediately knew something was wrong. My dad said that my Uncle Steve was gone. He had an accident at work. My dad was four hours away and he needed me to get to my mom as soon as I could. My heart was literally pounding out of my chest and tears welled up inside. Shock...complete and total shock...What happened? When did this happen? What are we going to do? I left quickly and broke every speed limit racing to get to my mom. The whole time all I could do was cry out to God. What are you doing? Why is this happening? How is this ever going to be ok? I begged and I pleaded for him to change this. I prayed for God to show up. He had to fix this!
As I pulled into the driveway, I could hear my mom screaming from outside. I was numb. What am I going to do? What am I going to say? I walked in the door as she collapsed in my arms, screaming, crying. "This isn't happening, this is NOT happening." she cried. I held her tight and there were no words. All I could do was cry...and pray. The phone began to ring. Family members calling, finding out for the first time. Ring after ring my mom had to break the news to someone else, cutting her deeper and deeper in grief. I knew my mom needed me, but she also needed more than me. The strongest woman I have ever known was broken. Our family was completely devastated. My uncle's life had just vanished in the blink of an eye. No warning. No preparation. No one got the chance to say goodbye. No one got the chance to say I love you one last time. A father, a son, a brother, an uncle...he was gone. We were broken and lost. How would we ever heal?
This season of life my family has been in, has been an unbearable one. At times, questioning if we would ever make it through. A year and a half later, we are still healing. There are pieces for some of us that will never be put back together in this life. Questions that will never be answered.
How do you fully embrace this season of life? The truth is you don't. You hang on for dear life, hoping that with each passing day it will get better. The quote, "Time heals all wounds" is a lie. Time passes and those wounds are still open and raw, sometimes digging deeper every waking day. Time doesn't heal all wounds...God heals all wounds. Only he can bring peace and comfort in your darkest of days. I have witnessed it first hand.
Remember my prayer on the way to my mom? God did show up. He showed up in the most powerful of ways. A family that had a history of being broken is working on putting the pieces of their life back together. Relationships that were severed have slowly been restored. In the loss, people have found hope and peace in God and have drawn closer to him. My family walks differently, knowing that our time is limited, our choices important, and our lives eternal. It has brought our family closer together. For the first time in 40 years, our family celebrated Thanksgiving together, leaving one empty chair at the dinner table for Steve. My broken mother? Still the strongest woman I know...now even stronger, continuing to be a source of strength and glue that binds her family together.
Through God's orchestrated plan, my uncle Steve has even given sight to a blind man. Organ donation was one of the hardest decisions my mother and family ever had to make. The eyes were the most unbearable thing to give up. Steve had the most piercing eyes. Mom says, "They are the eyes that pierce your soul." Beautifully ironic how the hardest thing to give up and to sacrifice for the sake of someone else was the most blessed and honored. Months later, my mom received a letter from the donor recipient. With Steve's eyes, this man, this complete stranger, has new life and he is forever grateful. And although my uncle won't, this man is now able to watch his daughter walk down the aisle and hold his grandchild for the first time.
Lives have been forever changed since July 17, 2012 and I believe will continue to be changed. It's never goodbye, only so long until we see you again, Steve!
While I learned so many things in that season of grief, the biggest lesson I learned was that our life is short. We are never promised tomorrow. The choices we make in this life shape the memories our loved ones hold on to when we are gone. My Uncle Steve had the most infectious smile. He had a raspy laugh and a mischievous spirit. He was giving and caring. He was an amazing father who loved his children unconditionally, and fulfilled his duties of "Mr. Mom" quite well. He was a talented carpenter, and I can't help but believe he and Jesus are sharing their building trades together in Heaven.
I saw a quote today on Facebook by Lysa Terkeurst, one of my favorite authors. She says that, "Big things are built, one brick at a time. Victories are achieved one choice at a time. A life well lived is chosen one day at a time."
19,710 days. Will I make every single one of them count? I really wish I could. But the truth is I am going to make mistakes. After all I am human. But I choose to not let those mistakes define who I am or let the fear of making a mistake keep me from living my God given life to its fullest potential.
I want to have a life well lived. I want to leave behind a life full of memories, a legacy that can be cherished long after I am gone. But I have to make positive, impactful choices every single day. I have to embrace the season of life that I am in and be content with what I have been given. I have to remember that my days are numbered, because I honestly really don't know if I will get 19,710 of them.
So, here is one of my resolutions...
Life is a roller coaster, so I will ride with my hands lifted high in the air, not because I may be enjoying it, but because I am putting my faith and trust in God through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows in 2014.
Life is full of choices, so I choose to make choices that leave positive eternal impacts in 2014.
Life is limited, so I choose to cherish and make the most of my time with my family, my friends, my colleagues...even strangers, in 2014.
This is one of my New Year's Resolutions for 2014: To embrace the season of life that I am in (good or bad) and to know there is a reason and a purpose for all things.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
The Birth of a Resolution Revolution in Your Marriage
My husband and I were married on October 15, 2011. After a rough first few months of marriage and adjusting to this new life we shared together, we needed and longed for a new beginning, a fresh start, a chance to wave the white flag and admit we were totally going about this all in the wrong way. That day of redemption came on January 1, 2012. We decided that we were going to make a conscious effort to live our marriage with more purpose, more intention. We decided that if we didn't fight for our marriage and make a vow to do everything we could to make this work we would end up as another statistic. Our vows were honest and true and we were and are NEVER going to let that happen. We knew we had to have resolutions for our marriage, goals that were attainable, yet reaching to the far ends of impossibility. Some of our resolutions that year were impossible on paper and only God would have been able to carry them out into completion.
As we set out to create our goals we had no idea the results that were to come, the impossible that would be made possible. Separating them into categories, surprisingly, the resolutions began flowing out of us. Spiritually, financially, relationally, and physically we suddenly began to see the endless possibilities of where our first year of marriage could really take us. That day we honestly felt like we could really do anything we wanted, however, the journey that we were about to embark upon was one that quite honestly, we never saw coming! I will share one incredible story of our first year of marriage to show you how God showed up in a very real and very powerful way for us because we had the desire to dream and long for something better, something more.
For some reason, the idea sparked of going on a mission trip together. Thinking that would probably not take place, I wrote it down anyway under our "Spiritual Goals." Along with growing our personal relationship with Christ and getting involved with the church, this was that one lofty goal I thought probably wouldn't ever be carried out into completion. We wrote it down anyway and prayed over our goals that day. The prayer was heard and was unknowingly, yet incredibly, already being carried out.
A few months later, after a church service one Sunday morning, a woman in our church approached us about going on a mission trip with her to Agua Viva Children's Home in Guatemala. As she was talking, all I could think about was how in the world did she know that was one of our goals this year? My husband, Brendan, humbly said we would think and pray about it. It was all I could do to hold myself back from shouting, heck yes we are going! If this wasn't a sign...I didn't know what was! I quickly recognized that this was NO coincidence, this was our opportunity! Our chance to cease the moment!
As quick as the excitement came, so did the reality let down. We had no idea how we were going to be able to go. We were ferociously paying off debt (making both Dave Ramsey and my Dave Ramsey obsessed husband very proud) and all the while trying to save for a house. If we were going to go it would be a financial set-back to say the least. Still, who could pass up this amazing chance of fate. So, not knowing how we would pay for it, we stepped out in faith and said yes! We began planning for the trip and preparing our hearts to go. Incredibly we found out that the trip was planned for October 15, 2012...we were leaving for Guatemala on the day that marked our first year anniversary...again...coincidence? I think NOT! As if it didn't get any better than that as we went to purchase our airfare (known to be the most expensive part of course) it was one of the cheapest prices the leader had ever seen in all her years of going. Every detail had been orchestrated.
The week at Agua Viva Children's Home changed our lives FOREVER! It was the most incredible experience we have ever had. Third world country poverty makes our considered poverty level shameful. Even the poorest of poor in our country fails in comparison to their poor. Families living in trash dumps to try and find food, children walking barefoot in raw sewage, little children caring for infants as mom works all day and dad is no where to be found. To say that we fell in love that week would be an understatement.
Mission trips change you. They change your perspective, your appreciation, and your hearts forever. You will never forget the things you witness and the emotions that well up inside of you. There was no greater gift than serving alongside my husband. Barriers were broken in our marriage that week. Walls that were built came tumbling down and we now shared something so raw, so real that our relationship would never be the same. Adoption became a new possibility and if we could have concealed 10 little munchkins in our luggage coming home and gotten away with it, our hearts and home would be forever complete! As we slowly peeled away the little arms that held on to us for dear life that day, we looked our babies in the eyes, and vowed that we would be back. Uno Ano! (One Year).
And after another year of resolutions for our marriage in 2013, we returned again, this time with my brother. Relationships went deeper and our love for our Guatemalan family grew. God only knew what he was doing that day we had that crazy idea of going on a mission trip. What's one of our resolutions this year? To go again of course! But we dream of something bigger, who can we invite to go with us? Who needs this incredible experience in their life? Their marriage? When we go this year how much money and donations can we raise for the home and school? How many more children's lives can we save? Can we touch? Of course we have selfish motives for going again...To hold our children (well sponsored children... we wish were ours), Estella, Yesica, and Jhonathan, to get my kisses from Marta, and to receive the most incredible love letters from Rosalinda! Uno Ano! Who knows maybe someday Guatemala will allow us to actually bring them home? Now that is a BIG goal! :)
I can't help but think what if the mission trip had never been a New Year's Resolution? What if we had never pursued that life-changing goal? I can honestly say, our marriage would not be the same, our relationship with God and our faith would not have been as strong, and our hearts would not have been as giving and content with the blessings we have.
Every marriage needs resolutions. Every couple needs to come together, sit down and put their hopes, their desires, and their dreams on paper. Every husband and wife need to know what they are fighting for, what they are striving for, and that their is an accountability in their relationship that really does matter. Don't let 2014 pass you by. Let it be the year that you and your husband will never forget. Let it be the year that sparks an intimacy you've never shared, a love you've never known. If it weren't for our goals in 2012, I can safely say Brendan and I would not be where we are today.
P.S. I spared you the really long post, but every single resolution in the year 2012 was fulfilled for us. Each goal had an incredible story, just like this one! The house that we were saving for and thought would no longer be attainable because we were going on the mission trip...well, let's just say that we found our house a month after returning from Guatemala! God showed up. Something that didn't add up on paper and a house people told us that we would never get, was made possible once again! Dare to dream and dare to believe in the possibilities!
But what I have to remind you up front... it was a daily effort, stairs that we climbed one step at a time. Saving money is a daily effort. Having a healthy marriage is a daily effort. Achieving your goals and believing God will help you accomplish them is a daily effort, a mindset you have to wake up believing every single morning.
So, get your husband, a pen and some paper, and embark on the journey today! You won't regret it!
Shameless Plug: Make a difference and sponsor a child at www.aguavivahome.org Another thing you will never regret!
As we set out to create our goals we had no idea the results that were to come, the impossible that would be made possible. Separating them into categories, surprisingly, the resolutions began flowing out of us. Spiritually, financially, relationally, and physically we suddenly began to see the endless possibilities of where our first year of marriage could really take us. That day we honestly felt like we could really do anything we wanted, however, the journey that we were about to embark upon was one that quite honestly, we never saw coming! I will share one incredible story of our first year of marriage to show you how God showed up in a very real and very powerful way for us because we had the desire to dream and long for something better, something more.
For some reason, the idea sparked of going on a mission trip together. Thinking that would probably not take place, I wrote it down anyway under our "Spiritual Goals." Along with growing our personal relationship with Christ and getting involved with the church, this was that one lofty goal I thought probably wouldn't ever be carried out into completion. We wrote it down anyway and prayed over our goals that day. The prayer was heard and was unknowingly, yet incredibly, already being carried out.
A few months later, after a church service one Sunday morning, a woman in our church approached us about going on a mission trip with her to Agua Viva Children's Home in Guatemala. As she was talking, all I could think about was how in the world did she know that was one of our goals this year? My husband, Brendan, humbly said we would think and pray about it. It was all I could do to hold myself back from shouting, heck yes we are going! If this wasn't a sign...I didn't know what was! I quickly recognized that this was NO coincidence, this was our opportunity! Our chance to cease the moment!
As quick as the excitement came, so did the reality let down. We had no idea how we were going to be able to go. We were ferociously paying off debt (making both Dave Ramsey and my Dave Ramsey obsessed husband very proud) and all the while trying to save for a house. If we were going to go it would be a financial set-back to say the least. Still, who could pass up this amazing chance of fate. So, not knowing how we would pay for it, we stepped out in faith and said yes! We began planning for the trip and preparing our hearts to go. Incredibly we found out that the trip was planned for October 15, 2012...we were leaving for Guatemala on the day that marked our first year anniversary...again...coincidence? I think NOT! As if it didn't get any better than that as we went to purchase our airfare (known to be the most expensive part of course) it was one of the cheapest prices the leader had ever seen in all her years of going. Every detail had been orchestrated.
The week at Agua Viva Children's Home changed our lives FOREVER! It was the most incredible experience we have ever had. Third world country poverty makes our considered poverty level shameful. Even the poorest of poor in our country fails in comparison to their poor. Families living in trash dumps to try and find food, children walking barefoot in raw sewage, little children caring for infants as mom works all day and dad is no where to be found. To say that we fell in love that week would be an understatement.
Mission trips change you. They change your perspective, your appreciation, and your hearts forever. You will never forget the things you witness and the emotions that well up inside of you. There was no greater gift than serving alongside my husband. Barriers were broken in our marriage that week. Walls that were built came tumbling down and we now shared something so raw, so real that our relationship would never be the same. Adoption became a new possibility and if we could have concealed 10 little munchkins in our luggage coming home and gotten away with it, our hearts and home would be forever complete! As we slowly peeled away the little arms that held on to us for dear life that day, we looked our babies in the eyes, and vowed that we would be back. Uno Ano! (One Year).
I can't help but think what if the mission trip had never been a New Year's Resolution? What if we had never pursued that life-changing goal? I can honestly say, our marriage would not be the same, our relationship with God and our faith would not have been as strong, and our hearts would not have been as giving and content with the blessings we have.
Every marriage needs resolutions. Every couple needs to come together, sit down and put their hopes, their desires, and their dreams on paper. Every husband and wife need to know what they are fighting for, what they are striving for, and that their is an accountability in their relationship that really does matter. Don't let 2014 pass you by. Let it be the year that you and your husband will never forget. Let it be the year that sparks an intimacy you've never shared, a love you've never known. If it weren't for our goals in 2012, I can safely say Brendan and I would not be where we are today.
P.S. I spared you the really long post, but every single resolution in the year 2012 was fulfilled for us. Each goal had an incredible story, just like this one! The house that we were saving for and thought would no longer be attainable because we were going on the mission trip...well, let's just say that we found our house a month after returning from Guatemala! God showed up. Something that didn't add up on paper and a house people told us that we would never get, was made possible once again! Dare to dream and dare to believe in the possibilities!
But what I have to remind you up front... it was a daily effort, stairs that we climbed one step at a time. Saving money is a daily effort. Having a healthy marriage is a daily effort. Achieving your goals and believing God will help you accomplish them is a daily effort, a mindset you have to wake up believing every single morning.
So, get your husband, a pen and some paper, and embark on the journey today! You won't regret it!
Shameless Plug: Make a difference and sponsor a child at www.aguavivahome.org Another thing you will never regret!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
The Birth of the Resolution Revolution
It all started on December 23. I was at Mardel Christian Book Store purchasing a few last minute Christmas gifts for my husband. As I was checking out, the employer began small talk on the books I had purchased. She asked me if I had ever heard of a book titled, The Resolution for Women, to which I quickly replied no. She raved on and on about the book and how it was so life-changing for her. She gave a short synopsis of how it reminds women to live a life of intention and purpose with every detail of their lives...and how the small things really do matter. Genuinely intrigued along with a slight shopping addiction, it didn't take much to convince me to purchase the book... after all it was only five bucks! (A wise investment, looking back on it now!). She went back and got the book for me and I was on my way.
Fast forward a few days later... Christmas has zoomed by and I sit on my couch in a seasonal depression looking around as my house once full of Christmas decorations are now down and shoved away in boxes, with no sign that Christmas was ever really here. My house feels empty and bare. The twinkling lights and 100 pounds of glitter are gone. Reflecting on the holiday that just passed me by, I couldn't help but compare myself to my house...empty and bare. As quickly as the thought came so did the shame. I shouldn't feel this way! I just had an amazing Christmas! I am beyond blessed with a beautiful home, an amazing husband, a caring family, and all the gifts that I could have ever wanted. What is wrong with me? Why wasn't I content with the things I had? Disgusted, I knew that it was time to renew my spirit and refresh my soul. After praying and reflecting, I decided that it was the perfect time for...New Year's Resolutions! As I sat down to create my 2014 New Year's Resolutions in my new journal (another purchase from Mardel that day) and (why yes of course journaling is one of my New Year's Resolutions), I reflected on how far I have come and the work that still lied ahead.
I believe in goals. If you have nothing to strive for then what exactly are you living for? Goals are what make people successful in every endeavor in their lives. I have had my fair share of goals in life and have actually been fairly successful in accomplishing them. I full-heartedly believe that if I never had those lofty visions, I wouldn't be where I am today! As I was creating my list, I found myself writing the same generic, overused goals...lose 15 pounds, be a better wife and friend, read my bible more often, etc. While all of these are great...I couldn't help but want something more... More specific, more difficult, and more life-changing. While searching for the perfect goals an epiphany came to me and the words of the lady at Mardel filled my mind and my heart...it's the little things that matter the most. While you focus on the little things, great things happen. I don't know about you, but I want to do great things. But I can't do great things if I don't do the little things well. To focus on the little things you have to live every day with intention and purpose. So, I started with small goals and watched as they miraculously built up to my BIG goals. It's like climbing the stairs, one step at a time. So, I started thinking about each stair...Who do I need to call today to tell them I care about them? How do I serve someone other than myself? What awareness can I bring to orphans all over the world? What can I sacrifice for the benefit of someone else? Who could I pray for? Suddenly, my whole perspective changed. If I want to be a better wife, how am I going to show that to my husband TODAY? If I want to make a difference in my job, what child do I need to encourage TODAY? If I want to be a better Christian, how am I going to show the love of Christ to someone TODAY? It's time to start being intentional TODAY!
I have big goals...I mean REALLY BIG GOALS for my life. So BIG I'm a little hesitant to share them all just yet! But I have started the works of one already, a writer. How can I begin working towards that goal...well, start a blog TODAY of course! My hope is that this blog along with my resolutions will serve two purposes. Bettering myself to live a life for God and positively impacting the people I love and inspiring the lives of others. My prayer is that maybe my Resolution Revolution will somehow birth a revolution in you. Maybe through my experiences you are able to find hope, feel love, and see life lived with purposeful intentions and maybe... just maybe...you would be inspired to do the same!
I leave you with this thought today by Priscilla Shirer, author of The Resolution for Women. This quote was the birth of my Resolution Revolution.
"You're already a woman of resolutions. They're making you who you are. They're determining the life you'll end up living, the tomorrow you'll end up shaping. So since making resolutions is something we all do anyway, the question for us to grapple with is not whether we'll ever dare to make any more of them but whether we're going to be intentional about the ones we do make. We need to make sure the banner that flies over our lives and announces to the world who we genuinely are is one that says what we want it to say, one that changes things in us and around us for the better."
Fast forward a few days later... Christmas has zoomed by and I sit on my couch in a seasonal depression looking around as my house once full of Christmas decorations are now down and shoved away in boxes, with no sign that Christmas was ever really here. My house feels empty and bare. The twinkling lights and 100 pounds of glitter are gone. Reflecting on the holiday that just passed me by, I couldn't help but compare myself to my house...empty and bare. As quickly as the thought came so did the shame. I shouldn't feel this way! I just had an amazing Christmas! I am beyond blessed with a beautiful home, an amazing husband, a caring family, and all the gifts that I could have ever wanted. What is wrong with me? Why wasn't I content with the things I had? Disgusted, I knew that it was time to renew my spirit and refresh my soul. After praying and reflecting, I decided that it was the perfect time for...New Year's Resolutions! As I sat down to create my 2014 New Year's Resolutions in my new journal (another purchase from Mardel that day) and (why yes of course journaling is one of my New Year's Resolutions), I reflected on how far I have come and the work that still lied ahead.
I believe in goals. If you have nothing to strive for then what exactly are you living for? Goals are what make people successful in every endeavor in their lives. I have had my fair share of goals in life and have actually been fairly successful in accomplishing them. I full-heartedly believe that if I never had those lofty visions, I wouldn't be where I am today! As I was creating my list, I found myself writing the same generic, overused goals...lose 15 pounds, be a better wife and friend, read my bible more often, etc. While all of these are great...I couldn't help but want something more... More specific, more difficult, and more life-changing. While searching for the perfect goals an epiphany came to me and the words of the lady at Mardel filled my mind and my heart...it's the little things that matter the most. While you focus on the little things, great things happen. I don't know about you, but I want to do great things. But I can't do great things if I don't do the little things well. To focus on the little things you have to live every day with intention and purpose. So, I started with small goals and watched as they miraculously built up to my BIG goals. It's like climbing the stairs, one step at a time. So, I started thinking about each stair...Who do I need to call today to tell them I care about them? How do I serve someone other than myself? What awareness can I bring to orphans all over the world? What can I sacrifice for the benefit of someone else? Who could I pray for? Suddenly, my whole perspective changed. If I want to be a better wife, how am I going to show that to my husband TODAY? If I want to make a difference in my job, what child do I need to encourage TODAY? If I want to be a better Christian, how am I going to show the love of Christ to someone TODAY? It's time to start being intentional TODAY!
I have big goals...I mean REALLY BIG GOALS for my life. So BIG I'm a little hesitant to share them all just yet! But I have started the works of one already, a writer. How can I begin working towards that goal...well, start a blog TODAY of course! My hope is that this blog along with my resolutions will serve two purposes. Bettering myself to live a life for God and positively impacting the people I love and inspiring the lives of others. My prayer is that maybe my Resolution Revolution will somehow birth a revolution in you. Maybe through my experiences you are able to find hope, feel love, and see life lived with purposeful intentions and maybe... just maybe...you would be inspired to do the same!
I leave you with this thought today by Priscilla Shirer, author of The Resolution for Women. This quote was the birth of my Resolution Revolution.
"You're already a woman of resolutions. They're making you who you are. They're determining the life you'll end up living, the tomorrow you'll end up shaping. So since making resolutions is something we all do anyway, the question for us to grapple with is not whether we'll ever dare to make any more of them but whether we're going to be intentional about the ones we do make. We need to make sure the banner that flies over our lives and announces to the world who we genuinely are is one that says what we want it to say, one that changes things in us and around us for the better."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)