I Didn't Choose You To Be My Friends...

I love my husband!  I love spending time with him, talking with him, and would even consider him to be my best friend...but there's one thing I learned real quick in our first few months of marriage...he's not my girlfriend and thank God he's not....He hates shopping with me, he thinks that going out for a Starbucks coffee to just sit and talk sounds like a waste of $5, and his eyes glaze over when I tell a story for longer than five minutes as he politely asks me to finally get to the point only to realize that there was never any real or intended point.  After all, I just wanted "to talk."

Husbands, as wonderful as they are, were never meant to be your girlfriend.  That's why I cherish my friendships and value the time, the long and even repetitive conversations, and the shopping sprees that come with a good girlfriend or two.  But I have more than a few.  I've been blessed to have many wonderful friends and have come to realize it more now in my later years of life than ever before.

Last weekend, as I hosted our sixth annual sorority pledge class Christmas party, I slowly looked around my living room taking in the beautiful women surrounding me.  As we sipped our wine and reminisced on the good 'ole days, caught each other up to the present, and discussed our plans for what we thought the future would hold, my heart was overwhelmed with joy.  Pure joy. 

Our sixth annual Christmas Party this year

While some of us only see each other once, maybe twice a year if we are lucky, and we have all gone in our separate ways, we all come back together united in one very simple, loving thing...sisterhood.

We've laughed, we've cried, and we've shared.  Shared disappointments.  Shared accomplishments.  Shared secrets.  Shared failures. Shared life...all of life...the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

There in that circle of friends, and in the ones who couldn't join us that night, sat christians and atheists, conservatives and liberals, married and single, mothers and childless women...for as much divides us, there's something greater that draws us in...a deep rooted friendship.  A friendship built on love. An innocent love that provides acceptance, forgiveness, and grace that is deeper than any differences we will ever have.

I smiled as we laughed, as we talked, and thought to myself, then later shared it aloud.  "I never would have chosen any of you to be my friends, yet here we are, eleven years later, still picking up right where we left off."

The only thing that brought us together, the only thing that united us beyond our differences was this rare bond, a friendship that went beyond the superficial surface, a sisterhood no one will ever understand, have they not experienced it for themselves. 

The Margaret Song at my wedding

You see, when I rushed at a small university in southern Kansas, eleven years ago, I had absolutely NO idea who I was or what my life would turn out to be like.  Sure, on the outside I had plans, but on the inside I was torn between who I once was and who I longed to become.  Torn between what I wanted to be and what I actually ended up being portrayed as.  A daily struggle to discover who I was.  But I knew I wasn't alone.  Every girl that I held hands with around our circle was going through the exact same thing.  My identity was lost and I found comfort in knowing many of my sisters felt the same way. 

Simply put...by one of my hilariously honest sorority sisters...we were a HOT MESS EXPRESS!  C'est la vie!  We definitely lived the college life to its fullest.  It's a wonder we made it out alive.  While we may not have always had our dignity intact, we did survive.  We always survived!

Our first day together-Pledge Day in August of 2004

I'm sure you've heard the saying that people change and if relationships don't evolve with you, they won't survive.  Evolve we did.  Some gained weight, some lost weight.  Some got married, some got divorced.  Some had kids, some never want them.  Some got a job, some lost a job.  Some moved away, some never left.  Because we've all experienced these things, we all have someone to lean into when it happens to us.  Because we've all watched each other fail, we are encouraged to pick ourselves back up.  Because we've all watched each other find who we are, we have never given up hope in our own lives and our pursuit of self-discovery. 

While life has separated us and miles are between us, you put us all back together in the same room for five simple minutes and life, well, it's as if it has never changed.  Sure, we are all so very different (and thank God that we are!), but our friendship is not.  Our friendship evolved with us, only to grow roots deeper and bonds stronger.

Never a dull moment

I'm not who I once was and my sorority sisters know that.  They loved me then, just as much as they love me now. 

They held my hair when I puked from a night of bad choices back then and now hold my hand as we pray in my living room at bible study. 

They let me cry inconsolably in their lap over a broken heart back then and now stand beside me the day of my wedding when my heart was finally complete. 

They encouraged me when I had nothing left back then and now I get to encourage them to not give up hope in their dreams. 

We all have experienced life in different seasons, always celebrating each other for the current season we are in.  Someone has gone before you to give you advice, someone stands beside you as you go through it, and you get to be that someone to the person following close behind. 

I'm thankful for my crazy life and my terrible decisions because it led me to these women.  Women who love me, want the best for me, and who have been there for me through thick and thin.
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It's the same friendships that I found when beginning my teaching career.  My "teaching sorority" friends if you will.  We were all in our first few years of teaching, transitioning from reckless abandon college student with minimal responsibilities to a mature adult with a real-life career.  We grew up together.  We made "big girl" decisions together.  We experienced many firsts in life...our first year teaching, our first apartment on our own, our first big purchases, our first paycheck that we blew only to realize you still had to pay your bills, our first real relationship that could actually have a future, our engagements, our marriages, and now even our first babies.  It's crazy to think that it all started with a simple invitation to dinner...

Martha Stewarts we were not.  We decided to take turns hosting dinner at our places.  Each week a new person would cook dinner for the rest of the girls.  And, man, have we come a long way...from boxed macaroni and cheese with hot dogs to tuscan chicken with goat cheese salads our culinary repertoire has grown.  And just as our cooking skills improved, so did our bond. 

My wedding with my "teacher" friends

The hardest time of my life...my rock bottom...was six years ago.  I believe that God brought these girls into my life for a reason.  They supported me.   They changed me.  They saved me. 

Again, I wouldn't have chosen these girls to be my friends.  We didn't even realize we liked each other that much until we started to hang out more and our conversations grew deeper.  But, here we are seven years later and have grown closer than ever before. 

Sugar Cookie Extravaganza

We recently had our annual holiday baking extravaganza.  After we decorated what seemed to be thousands of sugar cookies and passed around puppy chow until I was sure I would vomit powdered sugar, we had another one of our meaningful and long talks about life.  We got on the subject of kids.  A mother, a soon to be mother, and then some unsure if we want to be mothers sat and shared our hopes, our dreams, and even our fears.  What if we never have kids?  What if everyone has kids and I don't?  I'm scared I will be left out...I'm scared I will be a bad mom...I'm scared that everything will change.  And as we sat there and cried (I blame the hormones) and laughed and shared, I again felt that overwhelming joy again.  Pure joy...this time for another set of friends.  Friends that I can be honest with.  Friends that I can be myself with.  Friends that will support me no matter what I need or am going through.  Girlfriends that are a blessing to have in my life.  Women I couldn't possibly live without.

Heather's wedding this summer

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And then for me I have one rare and special friendship remaining from high school.  The best friend that you could call and talk to for hours.  The friend who knows who you were from the very beginning.  She's watched you cycle back through life and been there for every age, every stage, and every season.  She has never abandoned you, always forgiven you, and has never left your side.  There was nothing you could ever do that was too crazy, nothing you could ever say that was off limits, and nothing that could ever separate us.  From young teenagers to grown women, we've experienced it all together, side-by-side.  Miles could separate us, but strangely we never felt separated at all.

Sam-my best friend

My favorite part about our friendship is watching her dreams come true and even the plans we never could have conceived... come into fruition.  She's an amazing mother, not just because she is a stay-at-home mom or makes real fruit popsicles from scratch, but because I know what her childhood was like.  I proudly watch her become the mother she never had.  She's a wonderful wife, not just because she is quick to say she's sorry or to support him in his work, but because she protects her marriage and broke the cycle of a broken home.  Her life hasn't been easy, but she's overcome every obstacle that has ever stood in her way.  Those friendships are unique.  Those roots go deep.  You know the person, their history, and you've experienced life together in such a special, unique way.  Another bond.  Another sisterhood, rich in history, and united in love. 

Visiting Samantha right after she had Savannah

So, I simply wanted to say Thank You!  Thank you to all of the friends in my life...for your investment in me...for your time..your love...your laughter...And for your real, genuine, authentic self.  There's no one like you!