The Millennials (also known as Generation Y) are classified as anyone that was born between 1981-2000. Some characteristics of the Millennials include...self-absorbed, instant gratification, confident, high tolerance, sheltered, sociable, independent, strong sense of entitlement, desire to please, noncommittal, charismatic, highly educated, belief they can change the world, technologically savvy, ambitious, over-scheduled, achievement oriented, highly creative, impatient, goal oriented, works to live, in debt...
I could go on, but if you are reading this as a fellow "Millennial" you get the point. While we have so many strong and noble characteristics, we have an equal amount of flaws. I'm proud to claim a few of these labels...I am honored to be described as creative, goal oriented, highly educated, sociable, world changer...but desperately am convicted to help change being described as self-absorbed, entitled, impatient, and noncommittal.
As much as it hurts to be "called" these things, as I look around at myself, my family, my fellow friends, my colleagues, my church members, my acquaintances, and even just simple strangers my age, I observe more and more of these characteristics on a daily basis...sometimes even thinking to myself...no wonder we are viewed as self-absorbed...of course they would think that we won't follow through...I can't blame them for calling us entitled.
The beauty about being a Millennial is the fact that we believe in the impossible...We believe that we can change. We believe that we can overcome. We believe that nothing is ever impossible! Even if it's related to changing the way our society views our very own descriptions of our generation. Because after all...it's never too late for the Millennials! So Millennial, it's time we do something about it. It's time that we change...myself included.
An Open Letter to My Generation:
1. You can't always do what makes you happy. Life is messy. Life is tough. Life is full of disappointments. If we bailed on everything that ever challenged us, made us unhappy, or walked away from the things we no longer felt good about...we would have nothing left. Your friendships aren't always going to be easy. You're not always going to feel butterflies and have googly-eyes for your spouse. Your family members are going to be hard to forgive. Your coworkers aren't always going to like all of your ideas. Does that mean you get to quit? Walk away? Let the relationship go? Simply because you aren't "happy"? Of course not. Being happy is relative. There are days when I think that I simply cannot love my husband any more than I do in that moment, and then there are other days when I would give anything to get him out of my sight. There are moments when I am proud of my family and who they are and there are other moments when I could not be more embarrassed. There are times when I love my friends and there are other times when they can drive me crazy. YOU WILL NOT ALWAYS BE HAPPY...and if you believe that you are lying to yourself. You will not always feel important. You will not always feel loved and appreciated. You will not always feel supported. But those are just your feelings...Be careful with your feelings. You can't always rely on them and they definitely aren't always rational or reality. You don't "deserve" to be happy...you have to work at being happy...and sometimes...well most of the time...it starts with you!
2. People need to be able to count on you. Your words need to mean something. Your commitment needs to be trusted. Your actions should be loyal. Your follow-through should be consistent. Nothing frustrates me more than trying to organize and plan an event. You send out invitations in every form possible known to man...through mail, through text, through Facebook, through e-mail...and your lucky if you receive an RSVP from half the guest list. Why? Because our generation doesn't take the time to stop and simply respond. It takes 5 seconds...but that 5 seconds we simply just didn't have. I've always heard friends of mine say they never knew the power of an RSVP until they themselves were planning their own wedding. You finally realize how important it really is...because it's finally important to you! Another reason we don't respond is that we are afraid to say no. It's easier to ignore the invitation and not have to "explain" ourselves, than to give the common courtesy of a simple no. Sometimes, I think we don't respond because we are waiting to see if something better comes along, we don't want to commit because we want the freedom to be able to change our minds at the last minute. We think, Well, I never technically said I was coming...so it's ok if I don't go after all. Respect others. Have empathy. Be accountable. Which leads me to my next concern...
3. Let your YES be YES and your NO be NO. When we say yes and do not follow through, we disappoint people, we hurt people, we offend people. Your integrity...your loyalty...your honesty, is all questioned. I know that we all have those friends who come to mind, the friends who tell us yes to everything...all the while we know in the back of our minds, that they will actually end up coming to about 25% of what they actually commit to. Why? Because we've been fed the lines of excuses upon excuses for far too long. We've all heard them... I'm suddenly not feeling well, my phone was not working, I never got the text you sent, I'm stuck in traffic, I got caught at work. Don't be that person. The person your friend rolls their eyes as soon as they see your text come through. I try not to be the person that cancels all the time, but when I do cancel on rare occasion...I feel the necessity to stretch the truth a little. Just learn to say NO. 90% of the time when plans are made you know that instant whether this is something you can or want to do. If you can't or you simply don't want to. Say NO. You can say NO without any excuse, lie, or fabricated truth behind it. As a friend, I will always accept a simple "I can't." So, why do we feel that we have to explain it? Our friends, our families, our co-workers just want us to be honest. It's a simple yes or it's a simple no. There's no shame in the no, but if you say yes...follow through. Even if you've had a long day, even if you'd rather go home and sit on the couch in your PJ's, even if you aren't looking forward to it at all, someone is counting on you to be there because you said you would. Suck it up. And GO. For them...not for you. Because someday, it's going to be your turn. Your turn for a birthday party, your turn to have the need to talk to with a friend over dinner, your turn for a baby shower...and you would hope your friends, your family, would do the same for you.
4. Stop wasting your time on the things that don't matter. One of the most powerful quotes I read lately was that, "The most prized possession we could give someone was the gift of our time." Uninterrupted, clear of distractions, undivided attention, fully present...time. This is the big one for me. The one that is painful to not only admit, but to write. I fill my time with all the things that DO. NOT. MATTER. I spend countless hours scrolling through Facebook as I sit on the couch next to my husband and never engage in conversation. I spend countless hours rummaging through Pinterest pinning bible verses on my "inspiration board" instead of actually picking up my bible to read the it for myself. I spend countless hours binge watching Netflix shows all the while saying I don't have time to call my friends to catch-up or write another blog post. I fill every ounce of my day with something...and you do too. The only part of my day left for any reflection, any prayer, any time to stop and be intentional is in the morning during my quiet time. While I could stop right there, give myself a pat on the back and be satisfied enough with that gesture...it's grievous to think of all the other times in my day that can be chalked up as a complete and total waste. God has given us something precious, but it comes with an expiration date. The time you get with your husband, before kids...is something you'll never get back. The time with your babies, before they grow up...is something you'll never get back. The time sitting around the dinner table, talking about the highs and lows of everyone's day as a family....is something you'll never get back. Be present. Cease the opportunities you have to make your time matter. Put the phone away. Turn the TV off. Shut the computer screen. And spend your time being a full participant in what really matters. Invest in your time with God. Invest in your time with your spouse. Invest in your time with your children. Invest in your time with your family. Invest in the time with your friends. Invest in the time with yourself.
5. You're not that important. I pride myself on being SO busy. I fill and fill and fill and fill my schedule up with things. Important things and unimportant things. Job-related things and hobby-related things. Relationship building things and selfish things. We can justify our schedule to anyone. And that's ok. But when our schedules = our self-worth...there's a problem. When our schedules prevent us from meeting the spontaneous needs of someone else...there's a problem. When our schedules dictate our lives and prevent connections...there's a problem. Our generation has believed that if we fill every single minute of every single day up with stuff...we're important. We look important. We sound important. We are important. But what's more important are the things that weren't planned. That are unintentionally present on the schedule. That came up, out of the blue, and that require our full and undivided attention. Can you deviate from the plan? Can you embrace the unexpected? Can you carve time out for the person in need? Can you allow something else, someone else to be more important than the class you had to get to, the gym appointment you made, the weekly pedicure you look forward to? Show someone else their important by giving them your time, your support, your text message, your phone call, your kindness. Make others feel important, instead of yourself.
6. Know what you believe in and WHY you believe in it. It's important to know what you believe and to be able to articulate why. Our generation, now more than ever, would gladly tell you that they are a christian, but couldn't tell you what that means or why they believe it. They've never opened their bible or attended church. They love God, but aren't IN LOVE with God. I was reminded of this yesterday at church...When you fall in love with someone, you want to be with them all of the time, you want to please them, to serve them, to show them that you love them, you can't get enough of their words, their love, their faith in you. If you want that relationship, that love to continue, you have to be an active participant. You have to communicate, you have to spend time together, you have to do things for one another, you have to be committed to that person, you have to know WHY you love them and WHY you want others to love them too. It shouldn't be any different in our love, our relationship with God. In our generation and even more in the next generation, we've been taught to be tolerable. To avoid conflict. To keep our opinions to ourselves. But I believe it's ok...It's ok to have an opinion. It's ok to have conflict. It's ok to disagree with a lifestyle or choice. It's ok to speak truth. It's ok to share your beliefs. It's ok to be confident in what you believe in. Don't be afraid...Don't be afraid to share. Don't be afraid to speak up. Don't be afraid to be different. If you speak...speak with sincerity, speak with love, speak with respect...and it will be heard. If you present your life as flawed, imperfect, and in need of a savior...it will be accepted. If you build relationships with others so that they can see the difference God has made in your life, they may want and desire the same thing. When you know what you believe in and WHY you believe in it...it's credible...it's accepted...it's desired...it's influential.
7. Instant gratification leaves you desiring more. This is another struggle for me. I battle contentment on a daily basis. I want what I want...and I want it NOW! I hate the word NO and I struggle even more with the word, patience. I've learned time and time again that discontentment leaves you and the ones you love always feeling disappointed...when you should be excited. It leaves you feeling ashamed...when you should feel proud. It leaves you feeling less than...when you should be feeling extremely grateful. It robs you of every good feeling you should have. Every. Single. Time. We can continually be reaching for the next best thing, while never stopping to enjoy what is right in front of us. We very rarely experience what it's like to not have something, because if we don't have it and we think that we need it, or better yet, deserve it, we go and get it. We very rarely tell ourselves no...or wait. We think we have to have it and when we do...it's never good enough in the first place. There's a desire, a longing, a need, to have more. To be more. To do more. One of my favorite quotes is a simple yet profound statement of contentment. "I used to pray for the things that I have now." When you do experience a time of waiting, a time of gut-wrenching patience, a time of intense and desperate prayer...the moment it actually comes to fruition is a moment of pure joy, complete satisfaction, and immense gratitude...but if you're not careful...over time...those thoughts...those feelings...slip away...and one day you wake up...no longer as appreciative for the house you waited years to finally get...the child you prayed for years to conceive....the husband you longed for your whole life...those feelings vanish and discontentment tells you...you simply need more. That what was once all you needed...just isn't quite good enough any longer. Don't believe the lies. Go back to the days you didn't have what you have now and remind yourself of those raw emotions. Revisit them often. Fight the urge to seek instant gratification over the hard, long, tiring, emotion-filled process of obtaining something in it's right time.
In closing, our generation can change the labels we've been given. It has to start with me. With you. I know and believe that we don't want to be seen as self-absorbed, unreliable, disconnected, ungrateful people...so we have to stop acting like it. I can change. You can change. One choice at a time. Choose to be different. Choose to be set-apart. Choose to be a Millennial full of hope, promise, and inspiration. I believe in you.
Sincerely,
Kristen
Another Millennial who believes we can change the world
