Life is full of choices. Simple choices and life-altering choices. One of the most loving things God did for us was to give us freedom. Free will to make our own choices. The choices we make can dictate our path in life and can carve out the journey we are on. These choices can shape the person we are and the person we become. No one can make them for us. Sure people can try to influence you and sometimes we allow that to happen (either to our benefit or to our demise), but at the end of the day...we...and only we made that choice. Choices can have a ripple effect. I have seen it personally and unfortunately the impact is and was severely profound. One choice, one decision, can ruin a marriage, can break apart a family and can shatter the potential of people for generations to come. Sometimes, that one, seemingly simple choice never stops with you. It's a domino effect that can have eternal impact on you and everyone around you. Your friends, your family, the people you love the most can either suffer or flourish because of just one, small, seemingly simple choice.
Life is limited. Time is ticking and even though we wish we could hit pause...we can't. I am 27 years old. According to a recent study, the average woman in the United States lives to be 81. That means that I have at least 54 years left in my life...if I'm one of the lucky ones. Let's pretend I am blessed with 54 more years. That means that I have 19,710 possible days left to walk this earth. 19,710 days to ride on the roller coaster of life through the ups, the downs, and the in-betweens. 19,710 days to make choices, positive and intentional or selfish and detrimental. 19,710 days to embrace every season of life as an opportunity for growth or to curse where I am, blame it on someone else, and wish the time away. 19,710 to live my life with purpose or to live a life wasted and full of regret.
On July 17, 2012, my family's world was shattered, forever. I will never forget that day. I was tutoring a little boy when my phone rang. It was my dad. I silenced it and continued to teach. It rang again, almost immediately, thinking there was a connection error, I silenced it again. When he left a message, I had a gut feeling something was wrong. As quickly as the feeling came so did the phone call again. I finally picked it up. I immediately knew something was wrong. My dad said that my Uncle Steve was gone. He had an accident at work. My dad was four hours away and he needed me to get to my mom as soon as I could. My heart was literally pounding out of my chest and tears welled up inside. Shock...complete and total shock...What happened? When did this happen? What are we going to do? I left quickly and broke every speed limit racing to get to my mom. The whole time all I could do was cry out to God. What are you doing? Why is this happening? How is this ever going to be ok? I begged and I pleaded for him to change this. I prayed for God to show up. He had to fix this!
As I pulled into the driveway, I could hear my mom screaming from outside. I was numb. What am I going to do? What am I going to say? I walked in the door as she collapsed in my arms, screaming, crying. "This isn't happening, this is NOT happening." she cried. I held her tight and there were no words. All I could do was cry...and pray. The phone began to ring. Family members calling, finding out for the first time. Ring after ring my mom had to break the news to someone else, cutting her deeper and deeper in grief. I knew my mom needed me, but she also needed more than me. The strongest woman I have ever known was broken. Our family was completely devastated. My uncle's life had just vanished in the blink of an eye. No warning. No preparation. No one got the chance to say goodbye. No one got the chance to say I love you one last time. A father, a son, a brother, an uncle...he was gone. We were broken and lost. How would we ever heal?
This season of life my family has been in, has been an unbearable one. At times, questioning if we would ever make it through. A year and a half later, we are still healing. There are pieces for some of us that will never be put back together in this life. Questions that will never be answered.
How do you fully embrace this season of life? The truth is you don't. You hang on for dear life, hoping that with each passing day it will get better. The quote, "Time heals all wounds" is a lie. Time passes and those wounds are still open and raw, sometimes digging deeper every waking day. Time doesn't heal all wounds...God heals all wounds. Only he can bring peace and comfort in your darkest of days. I have witnessed it first hand.
Remember my prayer on the way to my mom? God did show up. He showed up in the most powerful of ways. A family that had a history of being broken is working on putting the pieces of their life back together. Relationships that were severed have slowly been restored. In the loss, people have found hope and peace in God and have drawn closer to him. My family walks differently, knowing that our time is limited, our choices important, and our lives eternal. It has brought our family closer together. For the first time in 40 years, our family celebrated Thanksgiving together, leaving one empty chair at the dinner table for Steve. My broken mother? Still the strongest woman I know...now even stronger, continuing to be a source of strength and glue that binds her family together.
Through God's orchestrated plan, my uncle Steve has even given sight to a blind man. Organ donation was one of the hardest decisions my mother and family ever had to make. The eyes were the most unbearable thing to give up. Steve had the most piercing eyes. Mom says, "They are the eyes that pierce your soul." Beautifully ironic how the hardest thing to give up and to sacrifice for the sake of someone else was the most blessed and honored. Months later, my mom received a letter from the donor recipient. With Steve's eyes, this man, this complete stranger, has new life and he is forever grateful. And although my uncle won't, this man is now able to watch his daughter walk down the aisle and hold his grandchild for the first time.
Lives have been forever changed since July 17, 2012 and I believe will continue to be changed. It's never goodbye, only so long until we see you again, Steve!
While I learned so many things in that season of grief, the biggest lesson I learned was that our life is short. We are never promised tomorrow. The choices we make in this life shape the memories our loved ones hold on to when we are gone. My Uncle Steve had the most infectious smile. He had a raspy laugh and a mischievous spirit. He was giving and caring. He was an amazing father who loved his children unconditionally, and fulfilled his duties of "Mr. Mom" quite well. He was a talented carpenter, and I can't help but believe he and Jesus are sharing their building trades together in Heaven.
I saw a quote today on Facebook by Lysa Terkeurst, one of my favorite authors. She says that, "Big things are built, one brick at a time. Victories are achieved one choice at a time. A life well lived is chosen one day at a time."
19,710 days. Will I make every single one of them count? I really wish I could. But the truth is I am going to make mistakes. After all I am human. But I choose to not let those mistakes define who I am or let the fear of making a mistake keep me from living my God given life to its fullest potential.
I want to have a life well lived. I want to leave behind a life full of memories, a legacy that can be cherished long after I am gone. But I have to make positive, impactful choices every single day. I have to embrace the season of life that I am in and be content with what I have been given. I have to remember that my days are numbered, because I honestly really don't know if I will get 19,710 of them.
So, here is one of my resolutions...
Life is a roller coaster, so I will ride with my hands lifted high in the air, not because I may be enjoying it, but because I am putting my faith and trust in God through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows in 2014.
Life is full of choices, so I choose to make choices that leave positive eternal impacts in 2014.
Life is limited, so I choose to cherish and make the most of my time with my family, my friends, my colleagues...even strangers, in 2014.
This is one of my New Year's Resolutions for 2014: To embrace the season of life that I am in (good or bad) and to know there is a reason and a purpose for all things.
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